This is a bitter-sweet month for myself and my family. Next week will be two years since my Mom passed. It took me a long time to admit to anyone (and it wasn't many) that I was having a hard time the first year. I was telling everyone that I was fine, when of course I wasn't. I didn't want to talk or see anyone, but life must go on when you have a family. If I didn't have any responsibilities I would have shut myself in my room and never came out. I knew better! I knew my Mom wouldn't want that for me or from me. She wanted me to live a happy life with my family. She would want me to make memories with my kids. She would want me to give all of me to them and not just 10%.
So I picked up many hobbies/distractions. I began sewing and started getting crafty again. I picked up some books to read (Twilight, more than just a good book, my life-saver). All of these things, my Mom was good at. I'd hoped that I could become as great as she was at these things. For a year I distracted myself.
Then came the beginning of year two. I slowly was getting better. I didn't run from anyone in the grocery store, I wasn't afraid to talk about it or her anymore.
Most of you probably wouldn't have even known that I was having troubles. I hid it pretty well. Which brings me to a favorite quote. A friend contacted me when my Mom passed and told me about her friend who had lost a baby. She said read her blog and see if it helps you. This girl who was going through a loss also, said something that explained exactly how I was feeling. It's stuck with me all this time;
"It has been interesting to just go to the grocery store or be out in public knowing that all the pain I have inside is completely unknown to most people I come in contact with. There is no outward indication of what is going on in my heart. As I watch people now, I find myself wondering what they might be experiencing that goes unnoticed to everyone else. If I can feel such intense heartache and still appear to be functioning normally I wonder what all these "normal looking" people are thinking about, worrying about, what burdens are weighing them down"
Do you ever stop to think about what a stranger or a friend might be going through?
Well here I was getting better...then this week I was hit with something hard. I won't go into detail but for the last three days I have felt like that first year all over again.
I'm numb, again.
I'm hurt, again.
I'm making myself function when I don't want to.
I just can't believe that I could be back in this state.
A friend of mine recently went through some personal stuff and we both talked about how you never know what anyone could be dealing with.
For two years now I constantly look at people and wonder what there life is like. Are they going through hard times right now.
Today I finally decided to write about it because I had a moment where I knew that I can overcome this. My family can overcome this. When hard times come, we fight together and stay strong.
Showing posts with label Mom. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Mom. Show all posts
Friday, September 10, 2010
Thursday, September 17, 2009
More Memories
I was remembering how my Mom through me a surprise birthday party for my 16th birthday. We were actually going to plan a quinceanera, a coming out party for a 15 year old, but it was for my 16th. My Grandma was gonna come and help put it together but plans got changed quick. I was dating this guy and asked if he would be up for that kind of party (I would need an escort) and he said no. How sad! So I told my Mom I didn't need a party.
So she put together a party and invited all my friends, even my boyfriend. It was such a surprise! I felt very special that night!
She also planned a big party for my 18th. We got the house already. Cleaned out the garage for some dancing room and invited all my friends. We even had karaoke. Now that was a fun party. Now guess who made a special appearance at this party? My future husband! The guy that I was talking to was his best friend and he wouldn't come unless he brought his friend. Little did he know that he just introduced me to my future Hubby!
Both these parties would not have happened if it weren't for the hard work of my Mother.
I'm finding myself struggling for some more unique/hidden memories of my Mom. I almost have that feeling that I've forgotten so much! I guess I need to pull out some pics. We'll see!
Remember When...
Well I was gonna try and act like it was any other day but my Dad fixed that. He sent out an email to everyone reminding us of the day. It's just too early to cry.
Last night I was just remembering some good times with my Mom and thought that's how I wanted to remember today.
I believe this picture was taken in '90-'91. We thought my Dad was gonna leave for Desert Storm. So my Mom had us go and take family pictures at Olan Mills (back in the day). I remember being at the studio and thinking this could be the last family pic we take. I was so worried. Who knew we had 18 more years.
We moved to the base at that time also. My Dad wanted us to be safe while he was gone. He actually was never sent out. I was so thankful he didn't leave.
I have this memory of when we were on base; I was sick one night and remember waking up and couldn't go back to sleep. I think it was November or December. I came out to the living room and my Mom and Dad were decorating. My Mom was playing her new cassette of Bonnie Raitt, "Let's Give Them Something To Talk About". They let me sleep on the couch. I watched them decorate and dance and sing to the music.
I believe this was taken right after my parents got married. It's in Calico. We recently drove up there while we went to visit my friend in Vegas. I don't remember my Mom telling me about this place. It wasn't till after her death, as we went through photos I realized I was at the same place my Mother was so many years go.
I believe this is the last family photo. Christina was a year old here. It was taken during Thanksgiving. My Mom made us take this photo. That year we didn't go to Apple Hill which is a family tradition.
This pic was taken at Apple Hill. It might be the last healthy trip we took up there
*I'll probably post more memories throughout the day.
Last night I was just remembering some good times with my Mom and thought that's how I wanted to remember today.
I believe this picture was taken in '90-'91. We thought my Dad was gonna leave for Desert Storm. So my Mom had us go and take family pictures at Olan Mills (back in the day). I remember being at the studio and thinking this could be the last family pic we take. I was so worried. Who knew we had 18 more years.
We moved to the base at that time also. My Dad wanted us to be safe while he was gone. He actually was never sent out. I was so thankful he didn't leave.
I have this memory of when we were on base; I was sick one night and remember waking up and couldn't go back to sleep. I think it was November or December. I came out to the living room and my Mom and Dad were decorating. My Mom was playing her new cassette of Bonnie Raitt, "Let's Give Them Something To Talk About". They let me sleep on the couch. I watched them decorate and dance and sing to the music.
I believe this was taken right after my parents got married. It's in Calico. We recently drove up there while we went to visit my friend in Vegas. I don't remember my Mom telling me about this place. It wasn't till after her death, as we went through photos I realized I was at the same place my Mother was so many years go.
I believe this is the last family photo. Christina was a year old here. It was taken during Thanksgiving. My Mom made us take this photo. That year we didn't go to Apple Hill which is a family tradition.
This pic was taken at Apple Hill. It might be the last healthy trip we took up there
*I'll probably post more memories throughout the day.
Friday, June 26, 2009
Very Personal
This is very personal but I must make a record of it. Read if you like.
Last night I had the most amazing dream. I usually have very vivid, unique and odd dreams. Sometimes they even come true.
Well last night I was having a dream and in the middle of my dream I began to hear my Mother's voice. Her voice gradually became louder and more clear. She was not talking to me. She was asking someone questions; "Where do I go", "What do I do". It was as though someone was letting me hear her and how she was doing. It was the best dream I've had in awhile. I began to cry it was so good! Have you ever cried in your sleep? I have many times! This was a good cry though!
I hope I have many more like this one!
Last night I had the most amazing dream. I usually have very vivid, unique and odd dreams. Sometimes they even come true.
Well last night I was having a dream and in the middle of my dream I began to hear my Mother's voice. Her voice gradually became louder and more clear. She was not talking to me. She was asking someone questions; "Where do I go", "What do I do". It was as though someone was letting me hear her and how she was doing. It was the best dream I've had in awhile. I began to cry it was so good! Have you ever cried in your sleep? I have many times! This was a good cry though!
I hope I have many more like this one!
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Today...
Today is my parents Anniversary. I believe it would have made it 37 years! I haven't talked too much about my Mom cause it really has been hard. Harder than I would like to admit.
I can deal with the day to day stuff.
I can deal with her not being her.
I can't deal with not being able to talk to her.
I can't deal with not being able to see her.
I can't deal with thinking about her.
It all brings tears to my eyes!
I can't even imagine how hard it is for my Dad.
I feel for him, so bad!
What do you say?
How do you make it better?
I'm here.
That's as much as I can do, right now!
Today my Dad took off the day from work. He has been at the Temple all day!
Tonight I will be at the Temple!
Last night I had a dream about my Mom.
Have I told you that before?
I have had a few dreams with my Mom in them.
It has made me feel at peace.
The dreams felt SO REAL!
I saw her, I felt her, I hugged her!
She looked great!
No hose!
I look forward to that day I can be in her presence again!
It can't come any sooner!
Saturday, September 27, 2008
Waking Up To Reality
Again I was laying in bed this morning, just thinking about starting the day. I had a picture in my head of my parents sleeping in their room. I could see my Mom laying in her bed or sitting in her chair. I normally go in there and say good morning to her. Yesterday I could also picture her in her chair lift we finally had put in or laying on the couch taking a nap. It's still hard to know she's not here and won't be here, anymore.
It finally happened...Christina woke up this morning and went running to Grandma's room. No Grandma, no Grandpa (he left early). She had a confused look and then it was gone.
The song that we dedicated to Mom and I put on my site, Momma, every time Christina hears it she sings it. It's so cute!
Last night I finally got caught up on all the shows. There were so many shows Mom and I use to watch and talk about.
The List;
Prison Break
Lost
Grey's Anatomy
Heroes
Gilmore Girls
Just to name a few!
I just want to know why now?
You think I'm strong, I'm not.
She made me strong!
I just know how to put on a good show!
It finally happened...Christina woke up this morning and went running to Grandma's room. No Grandma, no Grandpa (he left early). She had a confused look and then it was gone.
The song that we dedicated to Mom and I put on my site, Momma, every time Christina hears it she sings it. It's so cute!
Last night I finally got caught up on all the shows. There were so many shows Mom and I use to watch and talk about.
The List;
Prison Break
Lost
Grey's Anatomy
Heroes
Gilmore Girls
Just to name a few!
I just want to know why now?
You think I'm strong, I'm not.
She made me strong!
I just know how to put on a good show!
Friday, September 26, 2008
Ditto!
I was checking out a blog, who recently lost twins. It was amazing that at that same moment I was reading, I was feeling the same way.
"It has been interesting to go to the grocery store or to be out in public right now, knowing that all the pain I have inside is completely unknown to most people I come in contact with. There is no outward indication of what is going on in my heart. And, as I watch people now, I find myself wondering what they might be experiencing that goes unnoticed to everyone else. If I can feel such intense heartache and still appear to be functioning like a normal person, I wonder what all these other "normal-looking" people are thinking about, worrying about, what burdens are weighing them down." -megan and marc
I haven't wanted to see or talk to too many people lately.
I don't want to have to let them know I'm okay or what happened.
I try to put on a great face but deep down I'm crushed!
I'm suppose to be happy that families are forever,
but that doesn't help me right now!
"It has been interesting to go to the grocery store or to be out in public right now, knowing that all the pain I have inside is completely unknown to most people I come in contact with. There is no outward indication of what is going on in my heart. And, as I watch people now, I find myself wondering what they might be experiencing that goes unnoticed to everyone else. If I can feel such intense heartache and still appear to be functioning like a normal person, I wonder what all these other "normal-looking" people are thinking about, worrying about, what burdens are weighing them down." -megan and marc
I haven't wanted to see or talk to too many people lately.
I don't want to have to let them know I'm okay or what happened.
I try to put on a great face but deep down I'm crushed!
I'm suppose to be happy that families are forever,
but that doesn't help me right now!
Thinking of You
I'm Sad.
I'm Mad.
I miss you!
I love you!
I need you.
I want you.
I'm thinking of you.
I'll never forget you.
Are you happy?
Are you healthy?
Can you see us?
Wish we could see you!
One day!
Your Daughter
I'm Mad.
I miss you!
I love you!
I need you.
I want you.
I'm thinking of you.
I'll never forget you.
Are you happy?
Are you healthy?
Can you see us?
Wish we could see you!
One day!
Your Daughter
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Where to begin?
The last of the family has left, the kids are back in school and everyone is at work. I'm not to sure how the rest of our days are suppose to go. Yesterday I was taking a nap and while coming out of my sleep I began to tell myself, "go check on Mom". During the day I was privileged to take care of my mother's needs. I would run up and down the stairs making sure she was comfortable and if she needed anything.
This last month I was afraid to leave her alone for too long. So I would hang out at the house a lot and I'm not to sure what I should do now.
I know it's going to take time.
It still doesn't feel real. We're just going through the motions.
My Dad found this poem my Mom wrote years ago.
During this time
We've been apart
I've been able,
To search my heart.
You've become my strength
All things I'd hoped for.
No other girl,
Could have asked for more.
I wish sometimes,
I would have said
How much I appreciate
All you did.
My thoughts are often,
Of me and you.
And fun filled things,
We use to do.
But now there's someone,
To share our love.
And she's been sent,
From our Father above.
Our Heavenly Father was
So willing to give.
Now we must show and teach her
The right way to live.
You've brought such happiness
Into my life,
You make me proud
To be your wife.
Soli Landin
You are missed and you'll never be forgotten!
This last month I was afraid to leave her alone for too long. So I would hang out at the house a lot and I'm not to sure what I should do now.
I know it's going to take time.
It still doesn't feel real. We're just going through the motions.
My Dad found this poem my Mom wrote years ago.
During this time
We've been apart
I've been able,
To search my heart.
You've become my strength
All things I'd hoped for.
No other girl,
Could have asked for more.
I wish sometimes,
I would have said
How much I appreciate
All you did.
My thoughts are often,
Of me and you.
And fun filled things,
We use to do.
But now there's someone,
To share our love.
And she's been sent,
From our Father above.
Our Heavenly Father was
So willing to give.
Now we must show and teach her
The right way to live.
You've brought such happiness
Into my life,
You make me proud
To be your wife.
Soli Landin
You are missed and you'll never be forgotten!
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Sleep!
Yeah, I got some sleep today! It felt great!
Everyone keeps telling me the services were perfect.
We are pleased with the way it turned out.
I can't even tell you who was there but I'm told that many people came.
It was kinda like the wedding day thing where it happens so fast your not sure what happened and who was there.
I want to thank everyone for coming and for your support.
Yesterday I was getting ready and I decided to go into my Mom's room and see what I could find of hers to keep with me for the day.
My Dad came in and found me looking. I told him what I was doing and he said, "Here you can wear this". It was one of my Mom's favorite rings. I was so happy! I haven't taken it off since.
When we went to the grave site. We were able to go as a family (just my brothers and my Dad) to the graveside and dedicate the site. That was neat and hard to be standing as a family (without Mom).
There were some wonderful things said of my Mom yesterday and I appreciate the thoughts and love from everyone.
I know that who she was came through to everyone. She was admired by all!
Everyone keeps telling me the services were perfect.
We are pleased with the way it turned out.
I can't even tell you who was there but I'm told that many people came.
It was kinda like the wedding day thing where it happens so fast your not sure what happened and who was there.
I want to thank everyone for coming and for your support.
Yesterday I was getting ready and I decided to go into my Mom's room and see what I could find of hers to keep with me for the day.
My Dad came in and found me looking. I told him what I was doing and he said, "Here you can wear this". It was one of my Mom's favorite rings. I was so happy! I haven't taken it off since.
When we went to the grave site. We were able to go as a family (just my brothers and my Dad) to the graveside and dedicate the site. That was neat and hard to be standing as a family (without Mom).
There were some wonderful things said of my Mom yesterday and I appreciate the thoughts and love from everyone.
I know that who she was came through to everyone. She was admired by all!
Monday, September 22, 2008
Realization 101
I wake up and Realization 101 begins!
It's like a slap in the face every morning
She's not here.
I can't go say good morning.
I can't call her (at least) 3 times a day. (About the 4th time she would answer the phone and say, "YES")
I don't have to worry anymore if she's okay. (She thought she was a burden on us, how absurd)
Well at least I slept a little longer...about 5 minutes.
Man today is going to be tough and Grandma (Granny) didn't bring me any waterproof mascara! I don't think my make-up will last very long anyways. Last night we had a house full, to say the least! It was amazing how many people were here and that's just family I keep saying. We did a head count and there will be 61 immediate family/friends there today. What can I say we have a big family and that's how my Mom liked it. Well when you have 6 kids and Grandma had 6 kids, you have a big family.
I wake up and I feel like a truck hit me! My back and shoulders are so tight and sore. I don't feel like I've been tense. I need a masseuse!
What will tomorrow be like?
How long will it take to get a new routine?
How long will I be sad?
When will I be okay?
Time will tell I guess!
It's like a slap in the face every morning
She's not here.
I can't go say good morning.
I can't call her (at least) 3 times a day. (About the 4th time she would answer the phone and say, "YES")
I don't have to worry anymore if she's okay. (She thought she was a burden on us, how absurd)
Well at least I slept a little longer...about 5 minutes.
Man today is going to be tough and Grandma (Granny) didn't bring me any waterproof mascara! I don't think my make-up will last very long anyways. Last night we had a house full, to say the least! It was amazing how many people were here and that's just family I keep saying. We did a head count and there will be 61 immediate family/friends there today. What can I say we have a big family and that's how my Mom liked it. Well when you have 6 kids and Grandma had 6 kids, you have a big family.
I wake up and I feel like a truck hit me! My back and shoulders are so tight and sore. I don't feel like I've been tense. I need a masseuse!
What will tomorrow be like?
How long will it take to get a new routine?
How long will I be sad?
When will I be okay?
Time will tell I guess!
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Every Morning...
Every morning I wake up... (Folgers commercial)
I'm still here.
She's not.
It's not a dream.
During the day I'm doing okay. It's the mornings that are the worst!
I'm waking up at the crack of dawn and can't go back to sleep.
So I lay there and just think and get all my tears out.
Then I get up and begin to write. It's helping me to get through this.
Today is going to be hard. I don't want to go to church.
Too many people.
Don't know what to say.
Don't want to talk.
Want to RUN!
But we're all going for Mom. She would be there no matter what, so we will go.
Yesterday I was strong.
Kenny was talking to me and he asked, "Do you think they have Harry Potter in Heaven"?
Me: (choked up) yeah, maybe, sure!
Kenny: "because Grandma didn't get to see the last movie."
I fought back those tears and just smiled at him.
I can't even start thinking about what she will miss.
Even though everyone keeps saying she's watching us.
I'd rather her be here and apart of it!
yesterday I had a mad moment.
I'm worried there will be more.
I don't want to be mad.
I just keep thinking what if we could have had another week, day or hour.
That day I was so busy with Christina I hardly got to talk to her.
About a week ago she wanted to tell me something and I only got about 10 minutes with her because Christina was calling me.
I use to have to run from room to room, between the two of them they keep me busy.
We never got to finish our talk.
Like I said I only held her hand before she left.
She told me to take care of her house and I'll see your tomorrow.
Translation: "Take care of my house and everyone in it and I will see you again."
I knew deep down she wasn't coming back! I went straight up to my room (after they left) and cried!
Well I guess I should try and get the day started.
I'm still here.
She's not.
It's not a dream.
During the day I'm doing okay. It's the mornings that are the worst!
I'm waking up at the crack of dawn and can't go back to sleep.
So I lay there and just think and get all my tears out.
Then I get up and begin to write. It's helping me to get through this.
Today is going to be hard. I don't want to go to church.
Too many people.
Don't know what to say.
Don't want to talk.
Want to RUN!
But we're all going for Mom. She would be there no matter what, so we will go.
Yesterday I was strong.
Kenny was talking to me and he asked, "Do you think they have Harry Potter in Heaven"?
Me: (choked up) yeah, maybe, sure!
Kenny: "because Grandma didn't get to see the last movie."
I fought back those tears and just smiled at him.
I can't even start thinking about what she will miss.
Even though everyone keeps saying she's watching us.
I'd rather her be here and apart of it!
yesterday I had a mad moment.
I'm worried there will be more.
I don't want to be mad.
I just keep thinking what if we could have had another week, day or hour.
That day I was so busy with Christina I hardly got to talk to her.
About a week ago she wanted to tell me something and I only got about 10 minutes with her because Christina was calling me.
I use to have to run from room to room, between the two of them they keep me busy.
We never got to finish our talk.
Like I said I only held her hand before she left.
She told me to take care of her house and I'll see your tomorrow.
Translation: "Take care of my house and everyone in it and I will see you again."
I knew deep down she wasn't coming back! I went straight up to my room (after they left) and cried!
Well I guess I should try and get the day started.
Saturday, September 20, 2008
A Great Night!
I woke up this morning and heard the birds. Mom use to love to hear the birds!
Yesterday morning I was sitting in the kitchen and just looking around and everything I saw reminded me of her. Mostly her purse, baskets (that she kept buying and I said there were too many), Checkbook (sitting on a shelf(she loved to spend $) and pictures of everyone (she loved to have photos around her). I then started thinking of all the recent purchases she made and how there just going to sit there (I will leave them in their same spot). I also couldn't help but think how I have to eventually go through her stuff.
I've only been in her room a couple of times since Wednesday. It's hard, I have to see her personal stuff. Her chair, her make-up, her side of the bed. I caught my husband standing in her doorway. I asked him, "what ya doing"? He said, "Oh, just looking, I use to come and peek/check on her like this."
Yesterday I got a glimpse of myself and realized I look a lot like her. Except the nose, I didn't get her nose. I have a Salazar nose along with my brother Steve (we look like Salazar's). That's why we're the pretty ones!
So on to last night. We had an amazing night!
A friend came over and helped us prepare the eulogy. I wasn't sure how it was going to go. he got us talking about Mom all night! We had so much fun with the stories, memories and sharing our love for her. We sat there all night (for hours)!
It's been the best part out of all this!
I know it made her happy!
Yesterday morning I was sitting in the kitchen and just looking around and everything I saw reminded me of her. Mostly her purse, baskets (that she kept buying and I said there were too many), Checkbook (sitting on a shelf(she loved to spend $) and pictures of everyone (she loved to have photos around her). I then started thinking of all the recent purchases she made and how there just going to sit there (I will leave them in their same spot). I also couldn't help but think how I have to eventually go through her stuff.
I've only been in her room a couple of times since Wednesday. It's hard, I have to see her personal stuff. Her chair, her make-up, her side of the bed. I caught my husband standing in her doorway. I asked him, "what ya doing"? He said, "Oh, just looking, I use to come and peek/check on her like this."
Yesterday I got a glimpse of myself and realized I look a lot like her. Except the nose, I didn't get her nose. I have a Salazar nose along with my brother Steve (we look like Salazar's). That's why we're the pretty ones!
So on to last night. We had an amazing night!
A friend came over and helped us prepare the eulogy. I wasn't sure how it was going to go. he got us talking about Mom all night! We had so much fun with the stories, memories and sharing our love for her. We sat there all night (for hours)!
It's been the best part out of all this!
I know it made her happy!
Friday, September 19, 2008
Another Day
Mom,
Well today is Friday. It still feels like a dream, maybe your on vacation and I'll see you soon.
It's getting easier every day, hour, second.
Only half of yesterday, I cried.
Well there was so much to do.
Sorry if I didn't have any tears from some of you. That was probably weird, wanting to console me and I was pretty calm.
I went to Oakland yesterday, Ken drove. We went to get some new clothes to bury you in.
Jared is here, Grandma is here, Linda is here. Everyone is coming.
Their emotions are a day behind us. They've had less time to deal with things.
Wow, last night I was so tired. I even started to feel sick, nasueas.
I slept the whole night, so did Christina.
The phone has been ringing none stop.
A lot of love and support have been sent our way and yours.
It's been great!
It's been hard, to hear how they feel, too.
Everyone loved you, as much as we did.
I feel lost!
Are you watching us?
What are you doing?
Christina hasn't shown that she realizes your gone. What do i do when she does. How do I stop her from looking, when will she stop looking?
Can you believe Steve got in an accident?
We always worry when they're on bikes.
He's okay, hardly a scratch on him.
Dad says your were watching out for him.
Luckily no one has to go to work or school right now.
What happens when they do?
Life goes on I guess.
But I'll be here in this quiet, empty house.
How will Dad stay busy?
I guess I'm using a whole new bacth of tears today.
yesterday I had none left.
Well on with the day, I guess.
Love you!
Your Daughter
Well today is Friday. It still feels like a dream, maybe your on vacation and I'll see you soon.
It's getting easier every day, hour, second.
Only half of yesterday, I cried.
Well there was so much to do.
Sorry if I didn't have any tears from some of you. That was probably weird, wanting to console me and I was pretty calm.
I went to Oakland yesterday, Ken drove. We went to get some new clothes to bury you in.
Jared is here, Grandma is here, Linda is here. Everyone is coming.
Their emotions are a day behind us. They've had less time to deal with things.
Wow, last night I was so tired. I even started to feel sick, nasueas.
I slept the whole night, so did Christina.
The phone has been ringing none stop.
A lot of love and support have been sent our way and yours.
It's been great!
It's been hard, to hear how they feel, too.
Everyone loved you, as much as we did.
I feel lost!
Are you watching us?
What are you doing?
Christina hasn't shown that she realizes your gone. What do i do when she does. How do I stop her from looking, when will she stop looking?
Can you believe Steve got in an accident?
We always worry when they're on bikes.
He's okay, hardly a scratch on him.
Dad says your were watching out for him.
Luckily no one has to go to work or school right now.
What happens when they do?
Life goes on I guess.
But I'll be here in this quiet, empty house.
How will Dad stay busy?
I guess I'm using a whole new bacth of tears today.
yesterday I had none left.
Well on with the day, I guess.
Love you!
Your Daughter
Thursday, September 18, 2008
A Memory!
I took these photos of Christina on her 2nd birthday. I feel so bad for her, she won't even remember this, maybe even her (my Mom). I was 7 when I lost my Grandpa and I barely remember it. I remember crying all the way to LA from Lompoc, CA. I remember running around my Grandma's house with cousins. I remember my Grandpa taking me for donuts in his truck.
Hopefully I can help her to remember someday!
Beautiful Mother!
I don't have any pics of my Mom she would want me to put up. So here's something for now.
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Can't sleep
i can't sleep can you tell. I just keep thinking and been emailing everyone.
I remembered this morning how I use to pick my Mom up last year to get her out of the house. I would bring her over to my house and let her hang out there. She would watch Christina run around the house and make a mess and then we would sit and watch this program together with the boys. She liked coming over and watching us act as a family.
I've spent the last 3-4 years in and out of my Mom's house (living). At times I would be upset that we couldn't have our own place but now I kow it was a blessing. I got to spend the last few years very close to her!
I guess we'll be going to Apple Hill by ourselves!
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