Again I was laying in bed this morning, just thinking about starting the day. I had a picture in my head of my parents sleeping in their room. I could see my Mom laying in her bed or sitting in her chair. I normally go in there and say good morning to her. Yesterday I could also picture her in her chair lift we finally had put in or laying on the couch taking a nap. It's still hard to know she's not here and won't be here, anymore.
It finally happened...Christina woke up this morning and went running to Grandma's room. No Grandma, no Grandpa (he left early). She had a confused look and then it was gone.
The song that we dedicated to Mom and I put on my site, Momma, every time Christina hears it she sings it. It's so cute!
Last night I finally got caught up on all the shows. There were so many shows Mom and I use to watch and talk about.
The List;
Prison Break
Lost
Grey's Anatomy
Heroes
Gilmore Girls
Just to name a few!
I just want to know why now?
You think I'm strong, I'm not.
She made me strong!
I just know how to put on a good show!
2 comments:
Raychel:
It is great how you share your feelings on paper. That is a gift that will bring you comfort. I’m home in Arizona now after spending a few days with my mom. I too have been experiencing those waves of grief for the loss of my little sister. As time goes by, I hope that I can say I’ve had a day without tears. I try to remember to tell myself not to be angry of all the “what if’s”, but to just sit and remember the fun times we all shared. Let’s try to turn those moments of despair into moments of thankfulness for the time we shared together. I feel so lucky to have known her all her life. I was five years old and I remember feeling relieved that my parents wouldn’t be fussing all over me. I remember how they developed the name of “Soli” from Soledad. I remember fixing our hair together with those huge curls on top. I was married living in Kansas when I had surgery on my but. She was a teenager, but she came to take care of me. When we were still in Kansas, your dad was sent to Missouri. We shared some fun times together as we visited back and forth. I was there to see that great love between your mom and dad develop. We had great fun when I joined her on a Young Women’s Catalina trip. Our families met half way at Marble Falls Texas. We tried to always build memories. Memories all flooding back as the tears fall from my eyes. How can the world go on when I’m screaming inside. Don’t they know I’ve lost my little sister? I’ve already learned to accept God’s will. He loves us and only wants the best for us. Sometimes the best for one child, causes pain for another. Let’s remember that our family is eternal and we will be together forever. LOVE Linda
You are strong. You should have seen yourself talking to me today in the hallway. No tears, just trying to get through the day and thinking of everyone else in your family. Your mom would be very proud of you, trying to take on all of her roles and being strong for everyone. You can do it.
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