the house is to quiet! I got up and the machines aren't on. the house hasn't been this quiet in years. Only when she goes to the hospital, but in a couple of days she comes back. Not this time! My son(s) cried themselves to sleep tonight, one said it's too quiet!
Just when I think I have no more tears, they come! This feels like a BAD dream! I just kept thinking this is a bad joke and show me to her room! How did I know today wasn't great. I Should have hugged her and only held her hand. Well at least I did that cause my brothers didn't even get to see her today.
At the hospital I didn't think I could be strong and then I came home to tell my kids and I was and I said everything my Dad said. "We'll be okay, She's better, She's at peace"! I looked at him crazy because I thought how could we be okay, how is it better, yes I know she's at peace, but I'm not okay!
Each second is getting better, I think!
I told you I'm not ready to do this!
I remembered something this evening, though!
My Mom was 30 something when she lost her father. Now she is with him again and the sister I never met!
I wonder if she's okay
Recently I dealbt with Matt's death and I believe it was preparing me because I was not facing death well before. It made me start to think and I didn't want to!
Ever since then I knew things weren't right.
So I can say it is nice to see her without her oxygen machines and she must be happier not struggling.
I just can't imagine 20-30 years from now. She's suppose to be here!
Disclaimer;
Please forgive me if I don't answer your emails, but I do appreciate the prayers and good thoughts.
I love you Mom!
3 comments:
Raychel, I'm so sorry to hear this news. There was a time when I could call your mom "MOM" way back in the days of New Kids on the Block. She was an amazing woman in which you could amost see here strength. You are in my prayers.
Raychel, I love you and we are so saddened by the lose of your mom, she was the first person I met in this ward. Please remeber in your blessing that you are met to be strong. Heavenly Father loves you, you are his daughter and your mom is with him. I still cry when I think of my mom so just cr it is okay...Love Mary
Our thoughts and prayers are with your family...I'm so sorry for your loss. Please let me know if I can do anything for you...meals, etc.
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